he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We need a shit load of segways right now
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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