When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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