im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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