I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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