I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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