let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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