i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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