the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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