She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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