He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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