It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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