i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Even my vagina gasped.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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