i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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