Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fuck appropriateness.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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