Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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