He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up under a house in Key West
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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