remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize