A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i love accidental penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize