We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
