My cat gives me a boner
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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