I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
