I think I won the penis lottery.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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