who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize