I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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