Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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