first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize