if only i could text you this smell
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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