I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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