dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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