i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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