I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize