The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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