just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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