dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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