Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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