i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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