If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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