she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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