Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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