It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just had sex on a roof
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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