I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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