I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize