This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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