Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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