I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
