Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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