I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize