I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We need to get me chipped asap
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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