You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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