How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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