Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize