GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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