how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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